TWISTED SISTER Guitarist Calls AXL ROSE A 'Piece Of Sh*t'

As an epilogue to his 2006 Bananiversary Celebration, rock & roll comic C.C. Banana has interviewed all five members of TWISTED SISTER. In the first of these five holiday-themed interviews, C.C. Banana speaks with founding TWISTED SISTER guitarist Jay Jay French about their current album, "A Twisted Christmas", and the possible future of the band. A few excerpts from the interview follow:

C.C. Banana: Now that the holiday season is drawing to a close, are you pleased with the response received by "A Twisted Christmas"?

Jay Jay French: Yes, it's exceeded all our expectations. It's incredible, nobody could have predicted this. We've doubled the sales expectations of our record label, which really blew our minds. As of today, it has SoundScanned over 65,000 units in the USA alone. And that's after having been on sale for just nine weeks. They're projecting 75,000 to 80,000 by the time it runs its course. Plus, we were on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno", "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and we appeared on the biggest morning show in Canada. We've become the alternative to the TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA. We're the TRANSVESTITE SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA! I had expected this record to just kill the band once and for all, but now instead I have to keep working with these guys for another couple of years! Overall, I'm really happy with how everything turned out.

C.C. Banana: What was it like recording a Christmas album during one of the hottest summers on record?

Jay Jay French: Every Christmas album I know of has been recorded during the summer. Every quote I've ever read has been something like, "When I wrote 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' it was 90 degrees outside." All I can say is, my chestnuts were roasting when we recorded this album. It was freakin' hot! We were in a studio on Long Island with the air conditioning turned off, because we wanted to squeeze every last nuance from those 100-watt Marshall amplifiers with no distortion. Just because we care that much!

C.C. Banana: What would you give Axl Rose for Christmas?

Jay Jay French: I'd give him a watch so he could get his sorry fuckin' ass on stage on time, instead of ripping off his fans. That piece of shit!

C.C. Banana: Which do you think would be more successful — a Kwanzaa record by LIVING COLOUR or Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley recording an album of Chanukah favorites?

Jay Jay French: I think a Kwanzaa record by 50 CENT would be the ultimate holiday album. I would buy that!

C.C. Banana: Name one alternate use for a candy cane.

Jay Jay French: Oooh! A sex aid for reindeer.

C.C. Banana: Are you "still hungry?"

Jay Jay French: Have you looked at our recent photos? Our next album will be called "Still Dieting".

C.C. Banana: Now that TWISTED SISTER is holding off in its retirement plans, do you feel bad for making people come to all those "final area appearances?"

Jay Jay French: We've always been extremely specific in how we've described our final area shows. If we tell people that we're playing our last show at a particular venue while standing five feet off-center, we will not play any more shows there while standing five feet off-center. So we've never actually reneged on any of those promises.

C.C. Banana: What can fans expect from TWISTED SISTER in 2007?

Jay Jay French: Another retirement lasting approximately 15 years. After which, we will get together with KISS, who will change their name from K-I-S-S to A-A-R-P. We will do a final tour of Ft. Lauderdale nursing homes, performing our hits "I Wanna Pee" and "Oy Vey! We're Not Gonna Take It!" We'll play that one when we're offered the enemas.

The entire interview is available at this location.